Dear Linda,

I had been looking for you since Monday night when I found out you were missing.   You killed yourself in a Waikiki hotel room where the police found you yesterday.

I don’t want to know which hotel because I thought we called them all. I don’t need to know what time you died. I don’t need all the graphic details. I would just like to know why. 

You and I are about the same age. We are both Property Managers in the same little town. We have somehow always been able to talk through the bad times and even laugh at the absurdities this profession has thrown at us through the years.  We planned on having tee shirts made that said, “No, It Was NOT Like That When You Moved In.” We worked for different companies but were never competitors. 

It was a different time when we started our Property Management careers nearly 20 years ago. We learned our jobs from some of the best. We were dedicated and loyal employees in offices next door to each other in the same building. Our properties were immaculate and managed better than any others. It was more than a job for both of us, and we were damn good at it.  

But times have changed. People do not just disagree with us. Gone are the days when we could discuss the problem and work out a resolution.  Tenants swear, spit and scream at us now. Owners do not appreciate us anymore. They yell at us if there is a repair bill, a tax increase, or if a tenant moves out. I know you were sick of it all. I am angry at these people today. I am angry at everyone.

Once they said you were suicidal, I knew you were going to do it. That’s just the person you are.  Deep down I knew you were already gone, even while I searched parking lots, beaches, parks, and cliffs for your car. I was already selfishly wondering who I will be able to call now that will understand, offer suggestions and make me laugh hysterically at the insanity of this job. 

I know now that I couldn’t have stopped you. But I wish I could have talked to you.  Heard that infectious laugh one more time. Tell you that I love you and that I will always miss you. 

Maybe I don’t really want to know why after all.