I was just dozing off when the emergency phone began ringing one night. The tenant had just come home and found what he insisted was a screeching mongoose swimming in the toilet of his apartment. 

We have had rats in the plumbing before, but never a mongoose, so I asked for a picture. I squinted and enlarged. I shared it and stared at it. There was no disputing it. That thing had a fuzzy tail. The apartment is on the top floor of a three-story walk-up. I cannot figure out how a mongoose got in that toilet. 

The tenant, his wife, and young children are very upset. I need to do something about it right now. My first call was to the security guards on patrol at the complex. They went to the unit and informed me that yes, it was a baby mongoose and it is squealing like hell. Good luck with that. 

I figured I would call my plumber next. After what seemed like an eternity for their answering service to have him call me back, he said between giggles that removing a mongoose from a toilet was not a service he provided. 

Next, I called a pest control company. While also amused, he was not going to help me either. I called the Humane Society and was told they would be happy to provide me with a trap. I just had to drive the 70-mile round trip to get it. I asked them how I was supposed to set up a trap in a toilet. They can’t help me with that. 

I really embarrassed myself by calling the Fire Department. They were at least sympathetic to my dilemma but gently informed me that they can only assist with saving domestic animals. A mongoose in a toilet does not qualify. 

I truly did all I could for this family and felt so bad to tell them that there was nobody that could help them tonight. They would have to wait until tomorrow.

In the morning, I called to arrange for one of my maintenance guys to fish out the mongoose when the tenant announced that he “took care of it.” I didn’t ask what he meant because I really didn’t want to know. The building management checked the roof and sewer lines and everything was secure. A mongoose in the toilet was a first for us all. The tenant moved out at the end of their lease because the wife and kids were afraid of that toilet. Yeah, me too.